Marriage 101 for Men: Why Taking Out the Trash is a Turn-On
Author: Sherri Mills
Publisher: Plain Sight/Cedar Fort, Inc.
Published Date: May 2013
Paperback/Kindle: 176 pages
Genre: Marriage Help/Nonfiction
ISBN# 978-1462112098
Reviewed by: Shanda and Marlow (Shanda’s husband)
FTC FYI: received a free digital review copy in exchange for an honest review
Summary
Develop a game plan for reaching that surprisingly elusive, permanent win-win solution for both you and your wife: increased intimacy and a great life together. It starts with realizing “help” isn’t helpful and challenges you to defuse the ticking time bomb of your wife having “to do it all.” By following the principles taught in the book, couples will gain more time for love and an added respect on both sides.
Marlow’s Review
My wife and I recently celebrated our 17th anniversary. I feel like we have always had a good relationship and that we communicate pretty well with each other. After reading this book, I have a greater understanding of what she has been trying to tell me for the last 17 years. How I wished I could have read this book back then! Our relationship certainly is not in the desperate state of those documented in the book, but there is always room for improvement.
Being a product of divorced parents, I can see how unresolved hurts and uncommunicated needs can lead to heartbreak. There are several warnings in the book to always be vigilant and watch over your marriage. One chapter details the tragic stories of several men who thought things were going well enough, only to learn the hard way they were not. Read this chapter specifically with an open heart and mind. It very well could be you. Do you think your wife “nags” you to do things? You may already be headed down the path.
The book is easy to read and includes many examples and analogies. My favorite analogy is how she likens rising anger and frustration to a volcano: everything looks calm and composed on the outside, but on the inside is a cauldron of frustration, anger, and resentment. Only shared shouldering of household responsibilities and completely open communication, in both directions, can prevent this from happening.
After reading this book, you, as a husband, may feel some amount of sorrow from your (possibly unknown) blasé attitude toward your household responsibilities. I know that whatever amount of frustration and sorrow you may have brought your wife, you can bring just as much joy. Step up, be the man that you are (and that your wife knows you are on the inside) and do your part! Your marriage will be stronger, you and your wife will both be happier, and your family will be blessed.
The book is written to men in general, and husbands in particular. It is a quick read with a good balance of useful content blended with real-life examples and stories. This book should be required reading for anyone who is married, who is thinking of getting married, or has an XY chromosome.
Shanda’s Review
Sherri Mills’ listening ear has heard it all over her many years as a salon owner and hair stylist. After watching yet another marriage fail, she decided to take on the enemies of miscommunication and societal “norms” in the fight to save marriages.
Marriage 101 for Men is a continuation of her first book, but geared toward men. I have yet to read I Almost Divorced My Husband, But I Went on Strike Instead, so I don’t know how the information and format compare. This follow-up is simple and straightforward, broken up in to small sections, with Reminder bullet-points at the end of each chapter, perfect for revisiting often.
Sherri doesn’t mince words. She expresses her observations and concerns for her clients in the direct manner that stems from seeing it all and brooking no time for the petty stuff, yet with a concern and care that comes from knowing and serving these people for years.
My favorite chapters were “‘Help’ is a Four-Letter Word” and “Sharing Versus ‘Helping’ End Nagging.” These chapters contain what I consider the crux of Sherri’s message: Men need to stop “helping” and start “owning” their portion of the household jobs, and women need to let go of their “do it all” mentality and communicate their needs to their husbands. When man and wife share the load of householder duties, they both have more time and energy for fun, in more ways than one.
The book goes on to explain how to do this with the use of a printed and signed “Fair Marriage Contract,” clearly stating the expectations and duties that each partner will own and complete. She also includes a copy of the contract, as well as lists with a variety of household jobs for each partner to select as theirs.
While directed toward men, women will benefit from reading this book with their husbands. There was a bit of repetition from chapter to chapter, with some of the same quotes and concepts from earlier sections stated again later in the book. This may not be bad thing, though, since it would be a good idea to revisit certain sections from time to time and some of these good points could be missed.
Both newlywed and not-so-newlywed couples will benefit from reading Marriage 101 for Men and deciding now how to prevent miscommunications and the resentment that forms due to an unbalanced division of labor. My husband and I both look forward to sitting down to negotiate our own “Fair Marriage Contract” and divvy up the household jobs we are willing to own. Though the “no nag” agreement might be difficult at first, I think this is going to be a very good thing.
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